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From:	robert choi ... Add to Contacts
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Addiction

I am addicted to two things. My addiction causes me to have withdrawals. These two things are caffeine and salt water.

I have been drinking coffee for maybe about half a year. I drink it black. I love coffee. I never thought I would like black coffee but I love it.

I have been breathing underwater for about 6 years. I breath it in through my nose. I love surfing. After a good surf session I often have to use the restroom. While I'm doing my thang water just starts dripping out of my nose. I miss that.

Not having these two things causes me to get cranky.

Depression

I pretty much started a new life. I have a new Internship, a new small group, and a new sense of lonelyness. I'm busy and occupied. I hate it. I thought I would love it. This new sense of lonelyness is pretty gay. Driving to work is always beautiful. The sky in San Diego is just different. The clouds are almost on the same level as the land. I feel this depression because I feel that I have wronged somebody that I loved.

I have become my old self again. The guy I hated. The douche bag, self centered, arrogant bastard. I tried so hard for the last two years to change. I felt that I have changed. I realized my faults and short comings. Then BAM some stress and trials come and I'm discredited for everything I stood for. I fell hard. I just don't care that much right now.

I miss the old days of childhood. I see the kids playing at work everyday. They have so much fun just chasing each other. It's like their super high or drunk laughing and giggling. I wish I could be as happy as them.

Fragments

I wrote most of this in fragments. It's the most efficient way to write. Straight forward and straight to the point. No flowering of words to be pleasing to the ears. Shows my character and mood right now. Very efficient, blunt, and lazy. I catch myself not wanting to talk about how I really feel. It must be a defense mechanism because I hate to show feelings. I see it as a sign of weakness. I'm trying to become more sensitive. I realize that I can't be with a girl because of my insensitivity.

God is good. God is so sovereign and so perfect. I continue to fall into failures and sin yet his grace still covers all. I feel so worthless and undeserving of such love. Life is filled with trials and tribulations and these thing are just what makes life a growing and maturing process. I hope god molds me well and that Satan doesn't get a hold of my life.